Neil Thompson’s Lessons for Living – Make your feelings known

A much-used literary and dramatic device is for it to be apparent to the reader or viewer that someone has strong feelings (of love, for example), but is not expressing them and is losing out in some way as a consequence. As the plot develops, the feelings eventually become known and they all live happily ever after, or not, as the case may be.

But, outside of the world of fiction and drama, the question of when and how to express feelings is a significant one. Some people can go to the other extreme and blurt out their feelings inappropriately, leading to embarrassment for themselves and others. So, the two extremes of ‘Keep your feelings to yourself’ and ‘If you feel, it say it’ are not helpful.

This is where the idea of emotional intelligence comes in, having the ability to ‘read’ situations in such a way as to be able to work out when it is appropriate and helpful to make our feelings known and to be clear about what is the best way of expressing them in those particular circumstances. For example, when we are feeling anger, letting it gush out in a rage is rarely going to be helpful and could cause significant problems …

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